The Light of Kshahrewar Belongs to Me [Haikaveh]

[CRYBABY]

Kaveh. Kaveh. Kaveh…

“Kaveh..!”

Alhaitham was surprised by how his own voice sounded so desperate between these four walls, it’d be embarrassing to the man was he not currently overcome by his shaking orgasm. When had the Akademiya’s trusted Scribe become such a degenerate that he’d resort to such depraved activities in the work place?

Kaveh.

Hands worked to clean himself up, tidying his clothes and desk before heading out for the day, while his mind was somewhere else. Somewhere far away. The architect in question that consumed his every waking thought had always had an effect on him that no other could. An effect that he himself did not think humanly possible. Had it not been for his own experiences proving that hypothesis, Alhaitham would think anyone in his position to be mad. There was no scientific reasoning, no work of nonfiction he could read that would explain the change he experienced since the blonde came to live with him.

The two scholars had an interesting past, going back to the days they studied at the Akademiya. Kaveh was brilliant–is brilliant–something that immediately attracted the younger. Unlike Alhaitham who would be content with a 9-5 career, the Light of Kshahrewar was destined for so much more. Beyond being a talented scholar, an admirable architect, and a charismatic speaker, Kaveh was empathetic to a fault. A flaw that the younger Alhaitham couldn’t understand… refused to understand. After voicing his concern in hopes to save Kaveh from a life of disappointment, from a life of pointless people pleasing he immediately regretted it as hatred spewed from the lips of his senior. To the younger, he had been saving Kaveh from being taken advantage of, from wasting his talents on those that were unworthy… but to the architect, Alhaitham’s judgment was just another validation of his flawed person.

Several years had passed between then and now, so many that the Scribe painfully refused to keep count. Though that hardly mattered anymore, the past was the past and the present is now, there is no reason to harbor on what was. Besides, their current dynamic allows Alhaitham to sit in possessive pride that the beautiful Light of Kshahrewar calls his house home.

After finishing dinner and cleaning up the kitchen spotlessly, Alhaitham sat in the dark of their shared living room with nothing but a floor lamp gently illuminating enough for him to read the pages of his book. His slender legs were crossed delicately as he easily held the book between two fingers and rested his head on the palm of his other hand.

Kaveh hadn’t come home yet.

Even though Alhaitham had spent time working out, reading in his office, and cleaning up, he knew this fact to be true for the small fox that Kaveh had brought home was curled up on the couch sleeping rather than in the blonde’s room. It was peculiar for his roommate to be out this late, not that Alhaitham kept tabs on him or anything, he was just good at noticing patterns and habits. On Friday’s, Kaveh had a habit of spending time at the local tavern with a group of friends but typically he would arrive home shortly after the tavern closed, which was roughly two hours ago. Despite logical reasoning, Alhaitham had to admit he was worried, almost to the point of going out to casually search for the blonde himself.

With his mind warping, twisting, haunting him with the worst possible outcome, Alhaitham nearly missed the sound of their front door creak open. Without turning his head, his eyes met the doorway as he let out a near-silent sigh of relief when his peripheral caught sight of Kaveh shutting the door behind him.

[cynnabnnuy]

Kaveh had adored his junior at first (he still did), loved how the other would tail him around sometimes, he was so sweet back then... Well- maybe sweet was the wrong word to describe it, but he was endearing! So what changed? First it was the statement on his persona, how he was too nice. Sure! He was! But the way Alhaitham had put it had shattered him. The vitriol he gave in return was, however, a reflex. Not that that made it okay, but it was better than not understanding, right? He'd had a life chock full of hardship and strife, he was used to people thinking he was more naïve than he was. His need to please didn't stem from naïvety, though, instead coming from a need to not be worthless, to not be what he had been his entire life. There were times where he definitely was naïve, but him wanting to believe the best in people was just as much a result of his life.

Regardless of their past, of what he'd done, though, Alhaitham still helped him when he needed someone to rely on. For that, he was, and would always be grateful. Even on the days where it was hard to be. Despite all else, the junior he'd grown so fond of was still in there.
Not that he could reveal that, of course... He was already a burden on the other, barely ever paying his rent on time, staying up all hours of the night while working on a project, occupying his bathroom, sharing a space that he probably wanted back, nagging on him about his inability to pick up after himself... The list went on, and that didn't even touch on their arguments. Kaveh really tried to keep those down, though.

He also started trying to keep their interactions to a minimum as the weight of guilt mounted. If he wasn't around or bothering the scribe so often, that would be ideal, right? Right. There were more things he was trying to do on top of that, though. He'd started trying to find someone else to live with, first off, and second, he started looking for a distraction. Someone... well, someone he wasn't a bother to. Someone he could actually tell about his attraction, his affection.

Which! He seemed to have at least mild success with that night! He'd been at the tavern with Tighnari and Cyno like usual, but the two wound up departing early, leaving him alone with the wine he was nursing. The architect had already had a few drinks, and usually Nari and Cyno would either bring him home with them or send him home before he had too many. But, with them leaving early and him remaining to finish the glass at least, he'd seemingly struck some luck!

A man had approached him, Farooq, as he said his name was. He was stunning, and Kaveh would be lying if he said he wasn't interested. His eyes honey irises across from him as the man offered a greeting and apologized for intruding. They hit it off, something Kaveh was immensely happy about, and the man even took him for a walk, guiding him to a more secluded spot where they sat and chat. Kaveh didn't want to wake Alhaitham, after all, and Farooq claimed his home wasn't fit for guests. Which was totally fine, by the way!

Still, things were going well and... well, bringing him back now that they were done talking should be fine...

He lead the walk back, thankfully sober enough to do so without falling or embarrassing himself before he unlocked the door and let the other in, shushing him softly as he relocked the door. Finding out how Alhaitham would react to being woken up by a stranger following Kaveh into his home was not on the blonde's itinerary! So, carefully leading the other by taking his hand, he paused, the sight of the scribe freezing him dead in his tracks. He was supposed to be asleep! That was another reason why he'd waited so long to bring the mercenary back with him!! Shit- maybe if they were quiet enough, he wouldn't notice? Gods- this was a terrible idea...

[CRYBABY]

Kaveh could never be worthless, not in Alhaitham's eyes at least or anyone with a functioning mind rather. The scribe believed that someone's worth couldn't be measured simply by their ability to give, for what happens when there is nothing left to hand out? Should one just throw away all that they are, all that they've worked to accomplish once the well was dried up? This is where the two men differed most, their polar opposite idealism being both a blessing and a curse when it came to any relationship they'd hope(d) to have. It was true that they had very different upbringings which could have easily influenced this, Alhaitham being raised by his grandmother after the death of his parents allowed him to have a recluse childhood as she wasn't someone to fret over the importance of titles or status. He could admit difficulty in social settings, he wasn't necessarily socially inept but he definitely wasn't the type of person you'd want to hold a casual conversation with at a bar.

That sigh of relief quickly turned to one of disappointment when another person walked through the door behind his Light. Feeling his blood seethe beneath his skin, Alhaitham took a deep breath to calm himself, allowing Kaveh the benefit of the doubt. This could be anyone, though the figure did not resemble Tighnari or Cyno--not like the two would show up here without the other anyway--but the man could easily be another one of Kaveh's platonic bar friends and not someone the blonde was hoping to bed in their home. For Alhaitham's sake he hoped to Celestia that it was the former.

It would be unbecoming of the current Acting Grand Sage to react prior to knowing all the details so an inquiry was in order. After all what better way for an academic to discover the truth than to simply ask.

"Kaveh." Unlike before when he called out that name euphorically in the privacy of his office, his tone was now laced with jealousy disguised as anger. "Who might this be?" The scribe didn't bother to get up, he didn't even bother to close the book in his hand, instead he bore his ferocious gaze at the two standing in the doorway.

[cynnabnnuy]

Regardless of how Alhaitham viewed his worth, Kaveh couldn't be brought to believe it about himself. He'd agree with the sentiment when directed towards anyone other than him, but when he looked in mirrors, all he could see was someone who didn't deserve anything he didn't work for. And that was clearly something the universe agreed with him on, solidifying his bias towards himself with every obstacle it could. None of that mattered tonight, though. He'd already decided to get over his roommate, to work towards moving out... Even if he regretted it, he was already at the other's house with another man.

His body went rigid as the other spoke his name, his heart climbing its way into his throat as it twisted harshly. He hated hearing his name spoken like that... hated Alhaitham saying it with what felt like every ounce of hatred he could muster. It made him want to cry. Oh gods, he did not want to start crying in front of a near-stranger and the man he was trying to not be infatuated with.

Humming softly, albeit more of a squeak came out, the blonde refused to meet the other's eyes, chewing at his lip as the man beside him stood in awkward confusion. "H-Haitham, you're up..." Voice small, he chuckled nervously, fidgeting already as he looked anywhere but at either of the two other men. "Uh... This is Farooq? I'm... I'm sorry but I didn't think you'd be awake still..."

He felt like he was going to throw up. Nerves twisted inside his stomach, his chest was too tight, he couldn't breathe, and the inside of his nose burned with a warning of oncoming tears. Gods, he was such a fuck up! He couldn't even bring a 'date' home, how embarrassing...

[CRYBABY]

Moments passed that felt like hours as Alhaitham patiently waited for Kaveh to compose himself enough to offer up a response. The room was bogged down with tension that no matter what excuse the blonde came up with it wouldn't satisfy the scribe. He knew why this man was here, he knew why Kaveh was over two hours late getting home, and he knew why the architects hair was disheveled, the feather clip he typically wore as an accessory no where to be seen. Alhaitham's jealousy was irrational, he knew that, they'd never put a rule in place that said neither of the men could bring anyone home for a night... patly because Alhaitham couldn't think of a single person he'd want to share a bed with than the man already living in his home. But that didn't mean Kaveh wasn't allowed to do so. Truthfully, it was none of his business, and at any other time in their 'relationship' Alhaitham would simply get up and head to his room allowing the two their privacy. But this was not just any other time.

Alhaitham loved Kaveh. It's a well known fact to everyone around them except Kaveh, ironically enough, and despite the scribe's obvious (to him alone) attempts at showing his affections to the architect he went unnoticed. A month or so ago he begrudgingly sought assistance from the two men he could trust in this matter, they had been dating for over two years at this point so it seemed like they'd be a wealth of knowledge. Tighnari was, Cyno not so much, but what Alhaitham did gather from that interaction was that he needed to prove to Kaveh that he cared. Showing that he cared about the other's well being: 'Kaveh you really should get 8 hours of sleep a night, you're beginning to get bags under your eyes and I know that's unbecoming of a man in your position.' Showing that the man could rely on him: 'Kaveh, don't forget your keys, I won't be home tonight to let you in when you inevitably forget them.' Showing that Alhaitham was a trustworthy care taker: 'If you wish to eat garbage that is your decision but don't continue to feed Nalia and Sera scraps. They're on a diet appropriate for foxes, [enter name of a sweet Kaveh likes] is just going to cause them to be irregular.' and showing that he cares about Kaveh's interests: 'The design is fine if your client wishes to live in a museum. I for one wouldn't pay 10 mora for these blue prints.'

Alhaitham was trying, he was putting in effort, he was proving to the man that he loved that he would be the most ideal partner for him. That he could be anything Kaveh wanted and more. Despite his efforts he still wasn't enough, he still couldn't catch the eye of his senior. Kaveh would rather find a stranger off the street than seek pleasure from the man that knew him best.

After what seemed like an eternity the blonde spoke.

"The Akademiya is closed tomorrow so there is no reason for me to be asleep at this hour." He calmly closed the book he was reading to focus his attention on the two at the door, his eyes speaking words he could never articulate verbally. "I figured you'd be home hours ago... though I'm assured now I had nothing to worry about, you were clearly in the company of someone qualified to protect you."

[cynnabnnuy]

Kaveh had tried to decipher the Scribe before, with many failed attempts under his belt as a result. So many times, he'd come close to thinking he understood parts of the man, only to be hit with a line about how he needed to eat or sleep better with brutal criticism tacked on. It was all too clear the man hated him just as much as he adored him, something he felt was only affirmed more tonight.

He could feel his thoughts twisting with his inebriation, his self hatred worsening as his stomach churned with meals he had skipped for the night he'd planned. What could he say? He liked the fact he'd spend less on booze, he liked binging when he ate with his friends, he loved when his tummy would pudge up a little, how it'd cave in usually but- Kaveh, focus! His arms crossed over his stomach as he stayed silent, trying and failing to ignore the man behind him taking the initiative to exit the house. And thank fuck he did.

Swallowing thickly, he held down a whimper as the other spoke, nodding carefully as he shrunk back as if he could ignore the fact that he had nowhere to hide. "I-I know, I just... usually you stick to your routines, and I-" Wait. His breath hitched at the latter statement, the implication of Alhaitham being worried about him. There was no way that could be right... No way the Acting Grand Sage would care about his safety. The presumed condescension only made him feel worse, his chest tightening as he tried to hold back a gag before shaking his head.

The mere moments he spent frozen in place were too long, something he regretted more as he rushed away from the scene, another gag escaping him before he crashed to the floor in the shared bathroom. Everything he'd had at the tavern was coming out, all of it tinged crimson with wine as he heaved over the toilet, tears finally allowed to fall. He felt disgusting, but the cold floor was a bit comforting to his now bruised knees as he sobbed into the bowl before more vomit forced its way out. How fucking embarrassing...

[CRYBABY]

Had Alhaitham been blessed with even a fraction of Kaveh's empathy he would have been able to notice the inner spiral the blonde was currently fighting. He would be able to read the architect better, understand him on a different level, maybe even help calm him down before Kaveh was rushing to the bathroom. Unfortunately for them both that was not the case. Alhaitham was caught off guard when his roommate was suddenly sprinting to their shared restroom after struggling to formulate a rebuttal.

Having heard the first round of vomit splash against the porcelain bowl, Alhaitham found himself standing at the doorway to their bathroom almost immediately as if his body moved on its own. Kaveh was sick and he had been the cause of it though he wasn't in a position to recognize that truth at this moment. The Scribe knelt beside Kaveh--a bit behind him to leave room for the man to expel his stomach with some decency--one of his half gloved hands holding silky blonde locks back while the other rubbed circles against his back in a calming motion that was learned from his grandmother.

"Shhh.." he cooed softly, intending to calm the other's crying, "You're okay, Kaveh, I'm here." For once the scholar being glad he avoided his rigid routine so that he could be here for the other when he needed him the most.

[cynnabnnuy]

Ugh- If only Alhaitham had any shred of empathy. It was awful, his persona, but Kaveh hated the fact he still adored the man more. The scribe was an utter asshole! How the hell had he wriggled his way into the architects heart?! It made no sense to him, especially not when the man had directly contradicted his usual demeanor. Why had he stayed up? Waited for him? Why did he act like he cared despite his vicious cruelty leading up to the night? Was this seriously his Alhaitham?

The contact made the blonde shrivel up a bit, his chest tightening as he curled away from the other. Gods, how shameful could he get? He choked on a sob as the scribe spoke, whimpering as bile and stomach acid the only things coming up on the third heave before drool dripped past his lips as well. He definitely had to look disgusting, some of the first round having left specks in his hair that he quickly realized the scribe was keeping back for him... Maybe he wasn't so awful?

Panting as the nausea stopped, he shriveled at the other's assurance, though, he glanced at the man, hesitant as he reached up to wipe his mouth, cautious of his sleeve. No need to ruin a shirt. "Why? Why are you here? Don't you hate me? I get it, I'm a problem, a pity party of one, you resent me 'cause I'm a burden, that's fine, but-" He paused, voice weak and a bit rough as he sniffled, unable to stop now that the crying had started. "I don't know what you want from me..." While he whispered, Kaveh reached out, flushing his mess out of sight before looking down at the bowl, knowing the nausea would return with a vengeance if he dared meet the other's eyes.

[CRYBABY]

Even in his current state Kaveh could never appear unappealing to Alhaitham. Perhaps it was the younger's desire to care for his senior that drove this attraction even in such circumstances? Or maybe it was just impossible for the Light of Kshahrewar to be unattractive? Either way now was not really the appropriate time to ponder this as Kaveh was now sobbing as he debased himself. Something Kaveh did more often than not and something that Alhaitham couldn't stand. How could someone so brilliant, so bright, so beautiful think so lowly of himself? It was something the man strived to understand.

"Hate you?" his brow twisted in confusion, a rarity to see on the stoic man's face, "I've never hated you, Kaveh, and never have I once considered you a burden. Not when we were younger and certainly not now. I have wanted nothing more than for you to notice me, senior." The hand that was once rubbing Kaveh's back comfortingly was now wiping the remainder of spit and excess bile off his face, encouraging the other to meet his eye.

[cynnabnnuy]

The response made the blonde tense, lips setting into a deep frown as the other spoke with the first shred of visible emotion Kaveh had seen from him in... a while. "Notice you?! All I've ever done is notice you!" Snapping back, he backhanded the other's touch away confusion and frustration twisting his features as he pushed himself to his feet. A terrible idea, truly, as he wobbled way too much and had to use the wall as a crutch to make it the few steps to the sink to rinse out his mouth. "If you wanted me to notice you, maybe constantly insulting me in every way you can wasn't the move..."

Bringing the water to his lips with cupped palms, he cleared his mouth of the rancid taste, spitting the excess out into the basin before rinsing once more and cleaning off the residue on his hand as best he could. "And you don't need to lie to me. I know I'm a burden, how the hell could I be anything but? I leech off of you, I can't pay my rent on time, I'm a fucking mess, Haitham, even a blind man could see all of that." Slumping against the wall, he shook his head, sliding back down to the floor to pull his legs to his chest, head resting atop his knees. "I've been a problem for others long enough... a problem for you long enough... I'm tired of being so troublesome all the time, s-so..." He faltered, gripping his legs tighter as he curled in on himself further. "I'm gonna move out, give you your space back... I haven't found a place yet, but I'm looking and taking more commissions to be try and afford it..."