I never became a hero... [Touya x Natsuo]

[NicTheDjinn]

Some people were lucky in life. Born into loving families, living in a comfortable home, developing a useful quirk, making loving friends... Some people, weren't so lucky. Touya was born to a mother that hadn't had a choice and a father with impossibly high expectations. During some of the earliest parts of his childhood, expectations were what defined his life. They were placed on him by his father, a man that wanted him to step up and take his place, be even more powerful and finally overtake the rival his father just couldn't quite takedown. His mother expected him to be a good boy and be kind to those around him. His friends at school and teachers all knew who his father was and they expected him to be as great a hero as his father wanted him to be. He was expected to carry on a lofty legacy.

But then his quirk manifested and his life changed so that it was barely recognizable. His fire was weak, only red. Not even orange like his father's was. That was alright, he just needed to try harder! And try harder he did till his fire suddenly sprang up blue! He'd done it! He could make fire even hotter than his father's just like he wanted! It hurt a lot, but that's okay! He'd get used to it! The expectations changed all at once then. He was expected to give up. He wasn't good enough. He couldn't feel cold, like his mother, but he could produce no ice at all, the component that would have helped him regulate his fire. He wasn't good enough. Useless. A waste. He should give up and accept that his quirk wasn't a hero's quirk.

Mother was pregnant again!

As his father refused to 'waste his time' on training a quirk that was 'unusable' Touya would just train himself! It was alright, everyone loved the underdog, right? He would just train by himself and prove to his father that he was good enough! He just needed to try harder is all. He could do it, he was sure of it! Now he had a baby sister too! She was so cute! Even though his mother thought he should give up too, she still wanted him to be a good boy so he would make sure he was a good big brother to little Fuyumi! Winter beauty... She indeed grew up into a very cute girl then her quirk manifested. Her quirk was the opposite of his which made cooking easier as it didn't burn her, but the frost nipped at her painfully. She was told to give up too. So she did. It's alright, she didn't have to be a hero if she didn't want to be, he would be a hero for the both of them. Just gotta try harder.

Mother was pregnant again.

He'd kept right on training himself and he was sure he was getting better! He could keep his fire on longer than ever before and he didn't burn himself as much as he used to! Sure he'd had a rough start and his parents still told him he should stop, but he was making progress! He'd go to Yuuei someday and be the greatest hero in Japan! Maybe even the world! Just needed to keep it up, slow and steady wins the race, right? Natsuo was a cute baby too! He looked so much like Mom with how his hair was all white and his eyes were like her's too! A few years later and, sure enough, he hadn't gotten their father's quirk at all, only their mom's. He'd been told to give up too. Fuyumi had been okay with it, but Natsuo's feelings had been hurt. He understood that feeling. They'd talked about it a bunch after that. In the end, he'd helped him figure out that he hadn't really wanted to be a hero anyway, but as he wanted to help people then he would be a doctor. He'd save lots of people that way too! He may have cried a little when he'd been told that Natsuo wanted to be a doctor so he could treat his burns when he was a hero. See Mom? I'm a good big brother, right? He was going to be an even better hero too! Just wait and see! He just needed to try harder!

Mother was pregnant again...

It had finally happened... A little boy. He was just as cute as all his siblings, but he was distinctly different than them all. His hair was half red and half white and when those big, curious eyes looked around at them they did so through one grey and one blue lens. This couldn't be happening... He was the one that was supposed to carry on his father's legacy! He couldn't... He couldn't let himself be replaced! His hand had ignited then, brilliant blue as he surged forward, but was stopped short by the quick reflexes of his father. The expectation to stop was now a demand. But he couldn't stop. He had to make his father proud! He had to get stronger than All Might and protect everyone! He could do it! He could... Shouto developed both an ice and a fire quirk... He wasn't allowed to play with him like he did with his other siblings. That's okay. He'd just keep training on his own! They could be heroes together! A hero duo! He just needed to try harder to make sure he could help him when he graduated from Yuuei too!

Father noticed his hair was turning white.

He hadn't noticed till it was pointed out, but that's so weird! He had no idea why it was doing that, but the streaks were kind of cool... Maybe his mom's quirk was getting stronger! It wasn't. The stress-induced loss of pigment wouldn't stop till all the hair on his body was snowy white, like Natsuo's and Mom's. Regardless, it did nothing to slow his training, he'd even finished building his own little training area to practice in so he could really go at it hard now! It was a good thing too as he needed to get stronger quickly. He could hear his mom crying more and more. When he was a hero, he would keep her safe too. Sure it hurt, but it would be fine! He just needed to try harder!

Father didn't come to see how strong he'd gotten...

He'd tried... He'd tried so hard and endured so much pain to get here! Wasn't he dedicated enough? Wasn't he strong enough to warrant attention? His fire was way hotter than Shouto's wasn't that worth something? Didn't his passion mean anything?! Was his hard work worthless? Was his pain and the burns he endured in vain? Why wasn't he good enough? Why wasn't he proud of him?! WHY DIDN'T HE LOVE HIM?!

The inferno of his rage licked away at layers of skin as he burnt everything he'd built to ash. Nothing recognizable remained in the clearing. This included the boy himself. He'd tried his hardest. He finally gave up...

Touya died that day...

A nameless boy, barely alive, left his broken family behind, the most broken of all. His burnt skin didn't heal well at all. His mother's 'poor constitution' his father had told him. It was one of the reasons he couldn't be a hero. At least the nights didn't feel cold to him, but the wind hurt his raw skin. There was nothing for it though... The streets were his new home now. He scavenged from the trash and kept himself safe with his quirk. People learned quickly to fear him and that fear drew others to him. Over the years he grew up and drifted from gang to gang, changing his name each time he left one and moved on.

Now 24, he'd made a name for himself in the shadows. Many names, honestly. He liked it that way, it helped keep the police from tracking him down easily. He'd even heard of some of his crimes being tacked onto old personas he'd already shed, exactly as he'd hoped. It was while he drifted from gang to gang that he'd met a gap-toothed man, called himself Giran. He proved himself to be a surprisingly valuable ally. He actually found him places to go, eased his drifting through the underworld, even got helped him acquire clothes flame retardant enough to stand up to his quirk, and medical attention. The grafts he'd needed were intense and due to the age of the injury, they didn't take properly, but it was better than having the old exposed mess from before. The many rings did a good enough job keeping him together anyway...

So good ol' Giran found him a new group to run with...? He still wasn't too sure about it. He'd been assured that they were the next best thing and that they would be good for him. Stain had even worked with them. Considering Stain's reputation, the group may have some promise or he wouldn't have worked with them at all. In the end, he'd agreed to check these guys out though he didn't have much hope after meeting one of the other potential recruits. She was a special brand of crazy... Sure, he definitely had the higher body count, but there was something unnerving about the girl with far too much energy. He was exhausted just from being around her...

While his initial introduction hadn't exactly gone smoothly, he'd ended up falling into step with them anyway. The crusty guy's ideals didn't exactly align with Stain's, but they were close enough that he was sure he could further his own goals as well as gain the safety of a group. More members were recruited one by one till they had themselves a proper little team, a load of them shipped out to someplace in the middle of nowhere. The party didn't last long and again things didn't go as well as planned, none of them used to working with each other yet. Still, they'd succeeded in their main goal of kidnapping a particular kid. It was during the final moments of that aspect that it had happened. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was face to face with his baby brother. He'd seen him on TV not all that long ago, but it was so different seeing him in person like this. Sadly, they didn't have the time for the two of them to be 'reacquainted'. Maybe next time...

Well. That didn't go how they planned either. Still, in a short amount of time, they had fought way better side by side. The kid would have never joined them anyway... He'd known it almost as soon as he woke up strapped in that chair. His 'companions' though... With each new day he spent with them, they grew on him. His views started to change and with them the route to achieving his goals. Stain was right, hero society was corrupt and those corrupt heroes needed to be removed from power. But... Tomura was right too. There *were* no good heroes. They all bought into the commercialized version of what a hero should be. The entire system was built in such a way that it was the only way to legally do hero work. The while thing needed to be destroyed, razed to the ground and his fire would pave the way in the ashes of those that stood between him and the new world he and his friends would birth together.

It seems that even now, things never quite went according to plan... His reveal was as dramatic and damaging as he'd hoped it would be and all that had been left to do was take down his father and no one would stand in his way! No one! No. One...

Why did it have to be him? While he'd wanted to measure himself against the kid he hadn't realized how much it would hurt to actually kill the kid. He needed to do it. Even if the desperate words hurt him more than his flames ever had. He had to kill him to get... To get to their... He couldn't give up now! He only had one shot at this!

He... He just...had to...try harder...

The world was blue-hued pain, blinding bright, then it was nothing. Everything faded away till he was swallowed up by the final inky blackness of, 'I wasn't good enough...' He'd been sure it was 'final' as his vision failed anyway. He'd faded out in intense pain and it was pain that welcomed him back into the world. What looked more like a corpse than a man suddenly wheezed back to life. The dim glow of his dilated eyes flickered into view from under fluttering eyelids and he promptly proved that the restraints the hospital staff had insisted on using on him were needed, the man crying out as he abused burnt flesh as he started to desperately struggle to free himself. Considering how much damage he'd willfully inflicted on himself to have him collected from the battlefield more dead than alive, it shouldn't be a surprise that the pain did nothing to even slow his fight against the thick leather restraints, but it wasn't any less frightening to witness. Well... At least the quirk suppressing implant seemed to have worked considering he'd yet to so much as flicker, let alone consume the surrounding area in flame.

[CRYBABY]

The Todoroki family had a lot of hang-ups that Natsuo was able to move on from. Through his own progressive mindfulness he was able to forgive his mother for pouring boiling hot water over his baby brother’s face and scarring him permanently, something he hadn’t thought was possible given the emotional damage she inflicted on the boy. But, with Shouto being a teenager now and having forgiven her himself, it made a clear path for Natuso to do the same. He was the eldest living Todoroki son after all, he had to lead by example. Exactly as Touya would have.

There was one thing, however, that Natsuo could never move past. Would never move forward and forgive. He would hold this over his father’s head for the rest of their lives. Enji, their father had been the one to kill Touya. Not directly, of course, Natsuo had given up that childish blame long ago, but he did recognize Enji as the catalyst for Touya’s death. His older brother was powerful, determined, and dedicated, he was going to be a Hero. He was going to save the family! And Natsuo believed him.

Once Natsuo decided that he himself wasn’t going to cut it as a Hero, which was fine since he came to realize that was their father’s dream, not his, he decided that he would become a doctor instead. Not only would he be able to help people like he had always wanted but he’d be able to treat Touya’s burns himself, making sure the future No.1 Hero was in the best shape he could be after each villain encounter. Except that idea crumbled in his hands the day Touya passed. He had spent years fuming, blaming both his mother and father for the reason his big brother wasn’t alive… wasn’t here with him through all of his life accomplishments like they had promised when they were small. Slowly the blame for his mother dissipated and Natsuo could see her as another one of Enji’s victims. So Natsuo did the one thing he could think of to cope with the loss and overwhelming rage building inside him the more he was subjected to Endeavor’s exploits, he dove head first into his studies, determined to become the best burn specialist Japan had ever seen.

Things seemed to be going well for the Todoroki siblings, Shouto was doing well in UA, the siblings were having consistent communication with mom from the hospital, and Fuyumi was finally feeling like herself again. Natuso was proud, he felt really accomplished being able to see his siblings thriving in a way none of them had before. He found himself thinking of Touya more but not in a painful mourning way, instead Natsuo began talking to Touya, telling him all about what Natsuo had been doing, how big little Shou had gotten, and even that mom was doing better, too. All things Touya and he had promised each other when they were just kids. Nothing good lasts forever, they say, shortly after Natsuo finally knew peace did the Villain Dabi reveal himself to be the eldest son of the Todoroki family.

Natsuo felt his heart stop, dropping into the pit of his stomach at the news. There was no way, there was no way that was his Touya. Touya would never do that, never kill anyone, hell he’d never even hurt anyone! This had to be some sort of mistake, some cruel, sick joke played on him and his siblings by Enji. Only… it wasn’t. Those turquoise eyes held the same fire that Touya had, albeit nearly overcome with fury and sorrow now, but one look at them and Natsuo knew the hard truth. This was his big brother, his Touya. He began grieving in another way, having to accept that not only had Touya lived all these years, growing up alone on the street when he had a family that would have done anything to have their brother back, but he had been morphed into this hateful man bent on the destruction of Hero Society. Someone completely opposite of theTouya Natsuo remembered. The future doctor grew a new hatred for Enji that day, a deeper disgust for the man that dared to call himself a father and when it came time for ‘Dabi’ to face off against Endeavor, Natsuo could only hope that his big brother was able to win.

Natsuo’s hateful words must have been heard by the karmic energy herself because right after he wished for the demise of his father, it had been Shouto that faced off against ‘Dabi’. All too familiar he felt that drop in the pit of his stomach, as he and Fuyumi stood at the edge of their seats for any news on either of their brother’s. At this point, Natsuo could only hope that Shouto did what was right. That Shouto could see past ‘Dabi’ and reach Touya. ‘Bring him home.’ was all the white-haired man could muster. It seemed like Natsuo had gotten his wish, the fight ending in a burst of flames so bright not even the reporters could tell what was going on, it had seemed like Shouto won, he was able to detain Touya, knocking him out without killing. Natsuo was elated, he couldn’t imagine a life without Touya or Shouto, and had he lost both of them there's no telling what he would have done.

Which brings Natsuo to his current predicament, returning with a fresh cup of coffee to be greeted by Touya thrashing violently against his restraints. “Touya! Touya, please! You’re gonna hurt yourself!” Natsuo called out, dropping the coffee to the ground and immediately rushing over. “I-it’s me, brother, it’s Natsuo.” he pleaded, hovering his hands over Touya’s arm, afraid to trigger him further by touching the man he hadn’t seen in years.

[NicTheDjinn]

What Natsuo returned to was more like watching a feral animal thrash about in a net than a human strapped to a bed. The man snarled in pain as he strained to free himself, having no hope with the assistance of his quirk to burn away the leather binding him. Then an unfamiliar voice was calling his name and for a split second he found that there was something about it that wasn't entirely unfamiliar. Brother. Natsuo! The man froze, eyes snapping open and wide. Those familiar turquoise sought out frantic grey ones. There stood a man with hair as snowy as his own that was both a complete stranger while also being intimately familiar.

This was his little brother and unlike Shouto, he was all grown up. "N... Na-chan..." Rasped the man, his voice sounding as charred as the rest of him. His gaze traveled downward then, taking in his the other man was dressed. He'd done it, just like he'd promised. He wheezed a bitter laugh, eyes slipping shut. Something rather alarming followed for someone not used to seeing it, blood willing up in his eyes and soaking into the bandages wrapped around his face in a morbid mockery of tears.

He was afraid of touching him... Was his little brother afraid of him? He should be, all things considered. He couldn't activate his quirk, however. Had he been stripped off it somehow? his everything hurt, but he would put money on the fact that part of that pain was a quirk suppressing implant. Well... If he had any money to get with anyway. So he was helpless now... There's no way he would be able to free himself and it Natsuo was here it likely meant that after everything they'd done, they had lost the war. He wondered how much damage they had caused and who has come out dead or alive on both sides.

WAIT!

"Shh... Shuh... Shuhtuhh..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't say his littlest sibling's name! Why couldn't he say it?! That wasn't important right now. What he needed to know was if he'd managed to kill him or did he somehow survive!

[CRYBABY]

Natsuo was nervous calling 'Dabi' by his former name, not entirely sure how he would take it, nor how he would take seeing his little brother after all this time, but when the man froze staring directly into his eyes, Natsuo was confident that something had worked. Then he heard Touya say his name, it was raspy but Natsuo was able to understand him perfectly. "Onii-chan!" Natsuo replied, trying his best to assure Touya that this was his little brother, that he could trust him. Natsuo felt relief as he heard Touya laugh, as painful as it sounded, because this meant that his big brother was back. It didn't matter what Touya looked like on the outside right now, Natsuo was going to fix him up just like he had promised when they were kids.

Despite Natsuo's feelings of bliss, Touya was clearly in pain and not just physically, considering the bloody tears that now soaked into the bandages covering his face. Natsuo swallowed hard, doing his best to hold back any visible concern or disgust on his face. He wasn't repulsed by his brother's blood-tears by any means, but he was shocked by what he was seeing. It hadn't occurred to Natsuo the length of damage Touya sustained to the point of ruining his tear ducts. His heart ached and his grey eyes blinked tears of their own as he watched Touya's misery. Feeling as if an intimate touch between them would be welcomed, Natsuo let his hovering hands lower until they rested on Touya's arms gently. "Onii-chan... I've missed you so, so much.." he spoke, allowing the build up of tears to come flowing down his pale face.

The snow haired Doctor smiled big, taking in the quiet moment he had with his Touya, when suddenly the older man seemed panicked about something. 'Shh.. Shuh..' Natsuo mimicked in his head trying to figure out what Touya was trying to say, not until the final tuhh came did Natsuo realize what Touya was worried about. "Shouto!" Oh Gods how could he be so stupid, of course Touya was worried about Shouto that's the last thing he probably remembers... "He's fine! Onii-chan, he's okay, you didn't hurt him. He's all patched up and at home already. I can call him to come here if you'd like? He'd be happy to see you. Fuyumi, too." Natsuo wasn't quite sure if that was a good idea given Touya's current state but he didn't want to take the other's autonomy from him. Whatever Touya decided, Natsuo would do.

[NicTheDjinn]

Onii-chan. He’d called him Onii-chan… He would have never imagined that he would still consider him family, not after being dead to them for this long and not knowing what he’d done. Surely he’d seen the broadcast. How could he still call to him like that, with so much concern? It was all so much, too much! He felt overwhelmed. Everything had happened so quickly, he didn’t know if he should laugh or cry and… Well, he ended up doing both. It took him a moment to even realize that he was being touched, dull pain making its way through the dead nerves to the raw ones under that as hands settled on him. Natsuo was touching him. Heh. Maybe he wasn’t as afraid as he should be. Or maybe he was, considering the fact that he’d yet to get his quirk to go off. On top of that, he was a doctor now wasn’t he? Had he seen patients in whatever decrepit state he was in? He wasn’t even sure how hurt he was.

Then the sobering thought of his baby brother’s fate slammed his mind and thankfully Natsuo managed to decipher the absolute train wreck that had croaked out of him. The sudden adrenaline rush visibly draining back out of him when he was assured that he was not only fine, but had suffered so little damage that he’d already been sent home. He really was a horrible person… He should just be happy by that news, but he couldn’t help the realization that he hadn’t even been good enough to take his little brother on. Useless… He always had been, hadn’t he…?

Now that he knew Shouto was alright, the relief was once again washed away, this time by feelings of worthlessness. After everything he’d gone through, everything he’d he’d tried to accomplish, it all amounted to nothing, didn’t it? He’d been a waste of time, just like when he was a child, nothing had changed. If they’d lost, then he’d accomplished nothing. The heroes were still in control and would probably crack down on the lost and unfortunate, whether they deserved it or not. He blinked out of his thoughts again, realizing he’d been asked a question and he hadn’t answered. At least he didn’t have to think about that one. “Nuh…” Fuck ‘o’s hurt. They weren’t coming out right either. The fuck was going on? Was he just numb? If that was the case, he might have to worry about how much pain he would be feeling if it was this bad when he was numbed. That didn’t feel right though…

In spite of the bandages restricting his movements, he forced his jaws open, noting the lack of pull from the staples. Must have been taken out. Still, it helped him now, tongue peeking out to run over his… Teeth. Just teeth. He stiffened for a moment, frozen as his brain tried to process that. He repeated the gesture, reaching further this time. Nothing. His lower lip hadn’t been doing great for a long while, but even his upper lip was entirely gone. It was easy to tell what he was doing at this point as Natsuo watched him. His nose wrinkled as he tested to see if that was still there, brows furrowing to find out those were still there too. He’d been using his eyelids already so he was sure those were there. He looked down as far as he could with the way his head was restrained, straining his wrists against the cuffs and angling his hands. He’d lost one finger on the left and two on the right. He laid back again after that check, wondering how much of his skin was left.His brows pinched and rose then as laughter took him, those the red soaking the bandages under his eyes spreading further as more blood seeped into the cotton. While it was obvious enough already, there was no question about it now. The poor man had long since lost his mind and would likely take years to recover, if he ever did. They’d only just gotten their mother back from the hospital, but it seemed they’d only exchanged one broken Todoroki for another.